Originally published in the Herald-Zeitung, February 11-12, 2023
A friend and I recently visited on zoom. Our conversation meandered into the topics of happiness and joy and whether they were two terms for the same feeling.
We noted that in our “Declaration of Independence,” there were certain unalienable rights including “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” We thought about what happiness means and what its pursuit entailed.
He pointed me to a documentary on Netflix entitled “Mission Joy: Finding Happiness in a Troubled World.” It contained excerpts from a weeklong discussion between his Holiness, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu on happiness, friendship and joy. It recorded conversations in 2015 of the Tibetan Buddhist monk who was exiled from his country after the Chinese government overran it and the Archbishop of South Africa who led the resistance against Apartheid in South Africa. His nickname is “Arch,” which he enjoys.
For both wise elders, suffering is a constant in their own lives. Both wished to explore what place joy has in a life of suffering. Joy and happiness, while sharing some similar qualities, are not synonyms. And both wondered aloud how joy can be cultivated in any life.
Joy, they discovered, came from a feeling of satisfaction with one’s life, when one feels that their life “has authentic meaning.”
Both men knew firsthand what living in squalor does to destroy a person or an entire people over time; both of their own people suffered this indignity for decades. Each man represented the voice of sustained suppression by powerful governments—Arch for being instrumental in bringing down the Apartheid Regime in Africa and the Dalai Lama for inspiring his people even as his country was being eviscerated.
Despair, despondency, and depression are formidable adversaries in any life, even within an entire people. A nation can become despondent. The Dalai Lama learned that suffering itself can be an appropriate testing ground for one who is. “Suffering can bring one to appreciate joy” the Dalai Lama affirmed. In the face of his own exile, he developed the art of curiosity that promoted well-being, which is a developed skill. It is critical to helping any person live a happier life.
His Buddhist training from early childhood on taught him “mentally to keep a calm mind. Take time each day for prayer, meditation and for quieting the mind.” He further encouraged in meditating to “begin with a death meditation. Remember that one’s life is impermanent.” Far from causing despondent thoughts, such a meditation can free one from the little orbit of their private lives and expand outward to others.
The Dalai Lama claims that “because the brain is very good, everyday keep learning, learning, being curious.” Neither man hides or diminishes the place of depression, despair and hopelessness as part of life, but both Arch and the Dalai Lama agree that cultivating “warm-heartedness” towards oneself and others can make a crucial difference.
If one’s cultivated attitude in life is to “give others comfort, it can offer others courage to go on.” Best not to make others feel guilty, they agree. Arch notes that “we are made for perfection” and our whole life is in that making.
Part of one’s practice “in this delicate network,” Arch continues, engages us all in our shared humanity; “we are made to be compassionate.” Joy’s secret emerges when we can “touch our natural compassion—then live from there,” his friend adds.
Joy, Arch suggests, “is the reward of seeking to give joy to others” which rests on an authentic concern for others. Joy is also present in deep friendships; in fact, it is a basic quality of friendship.
The deep and lasting friendship between these two elders, elicits joy in us watching them tease, sport and joke with one another. They remain playful, heartfelt as they cultivate their friendship.
Being playful is another human form of being joyful. Perhaps less “pursuing happiness,” and more being joyful is closer to what can unite us in a universal friendship.